


Mai on Rozin

by The Rambling Mai (Loopy)



Series: Mai's Ramblings [9]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: M/M, No Bashing, Parody, Zero Punctuation - Freeform, and making up what she doesn't know, and sometimes lying just for her amusement, just mai interpreting everything in the worst possible light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28619715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopy/pseuds/The%20Rambling%20Mai
Summary: Mai's secret thoughts on all the Avatar ships- and you know the funny is coming when the driest, most critical personality in the show decides to let it all out! Everything Avatar is analyzed and described in the most ridiculous way possible! A fandom classic!Today, Mai looks at a pairing that resulted in the most epic breakup in (Avatar) world history: ROZIN!!
Relationships: Roku/Sozin (Avatar)
Series: Mai's Ramblings [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1989946
Comments: 9
Kudos: 23





	Mai on Rozin

**Mai on... Rozin!**

"No one on Avatar is a stranger to romantic woes, but the failed relationship between Fire Lord Sozin and Avatar Roku is probably the one that hurt and disrupted the most number of other people.

"Back about a hundred thousand years ago Roku and Sozin were bestest buddies who hung out together and practiced Firebending together and talked about girls together and celebrated birthdays together and ran around the Capital City together and I THINK WE CAN FIGURE OUT THE PATTERN ALREADY did everything together up to and perhaps including potty breaks EW GROSS. You'd think the Crown Prince would have more than one friend because even the obscenely misanthropic Princess Azula had a couple of friends MORE OR LESS but then when you consider Zuko maybe that isn't so unusual after all. This bliss lasted until both boys were sixteen years old and I'm really still having trouble believing that both of them were born on the same day in the same year in the same city at the same social level and both were benders but NO ONE CARES WHAT I THINK so when they turned sixteen Roku found out that he was the latest Avatar and had to travel the world learning how to bend the lesser elements.

"For some reason both boys were really bummed out by this even though it was only going to be for a few years and they knew they'd reunite someday unlike a certain dumb little girl and her STUPID boyfriend who managed to get banished by his idiot father and came close to never returning to the STUPID girl. Sozin gave Roku his princely crown to take with him on his world-spanning adventures so that he'd be able to clutch it to his chest and sigh wistfully as he gazed on the stars. I don't know if Roku ever actually did that but apparently the idea that he might made Sozin feel better about the whole awkward mess.

"Roku of course came back after a while as a big time butt-kicking Avatar and immediately married Ta Min his childhood crush IT MUST RUN IN THE FAMILY YAY while Sozin was left to rule the greatest and most advanced nation in the world by his little ol' lonesome. Some people like to whisper that Sozin was jealous and wanted Roku all to himself and honestly this family is so screwed up I can believe it, but I think the simplest solution is the best and Sozin was just mad he didn't have a childhood crush of his own he could have married on the same day at the same hour at the same hall by the same sage ETC as Roku and his beloved. In fact I think it entirely plausible that Sozin wanted to go ahead and marry Ta Min herself just so he could call it a clean sweep.

"Sozin was really angry about this so did the most hurtful thing he could think of and told his buddy the Avatar that he wanted to conquer the whole world and crush freedom beneath his fancy heel. Roku was predictably enough annoyed by Sozin's cry for attention and basically told his buddy not to come around any more if he was going to be difficult about the whole thing. As history shows us Sozin loved being difficult and went right ahead with his invasions ANYONE ELSE REMINDED OF AZULA WHEN SHE WANTS SOMETHING and Roku was forced to break it off permanently with little or no real remorse that I can see probably because he had his childhood-crush-wife AND THAT REALLY SOLVES ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS. Sozin spent the next hundred or so years sitting on his throne NO NOT THAT THRONE stewing about the whole mess while Roku flew around the world on his dragon having adventures and dropping by his home every so often to produce another gorgeous baby with his gorgeous wife GOSH EVEN I WANT TO SMACK THE GUY AROUND AT THIS POINT until both he and Sozin were old people and ready to die.

"Roku's home was built on the side of a volcano THAT'S WHAT WE CALL PRIME REAL ESTATE IN THE FIRE NATION and when it erupted Roku saw a great opportunity to try that lava-surfing one of his past lives recommended and so he flew his dragon up to battle the volcano and look heroic. Even in the blackest depths of his depression Sozin couldn't miss a volcano blowing up in his backyard so he hopped on his own dragon HEY I JUST REALIZED THEY BOTH HAD DRAGONS TOO THAT I BET WERE TWINS OR SOMETHING and headed over to the volcano so that if Roku died Sozin could say he died in the same volcano at the same time from the same lava wave yadda yadda yadda.

"In the end the volcano proved to be an even bigger butt-kicker than an Avatar GEE WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED and overwhelmed Roku while Sozin looked at the cauldron of boiling death and torment and decided that maybe dying in an identical manner to his best buddy wasn't as much fun as everyone said and took off with a promise to call maybe. In the wake of Roku's death Sozin launched the global war that has made so many of the people I know so happy and that's the end of the HEY WAIT A SECOND WHERE DID ZUKO'S FAMILY COME FROM- DID SOZIN GET MARRIED, DID HE ADOPT, HOW CAN THAT BE THE END OF THE STORY?!?

"That's the last time I go to Iroh for information. I should have known better after he claimed Zuko's mom was descended from Roku.

"What a pointless story."


End file.
